Camping 2012:  When Nature Attacks!

So, we are fresh home from our first camping trip of the year.   I'd say it was a highly successful trip.  Everyone had fun, nobody died.  It was all good.  Well, maybe not all good.  Unfortunately the creepy crawlies were in MAJOR overabundance.  I can handle raccoon and skunks.  I have dealt with thieves masking themselves as birds and chipmunks, but this weekend, I was completely unprepared for what nature had to offer.

As soon as we opened the doors of the van the mosquitoes attacked with all the gusto of World War Two Kamikazes.

It was crazy!  They were in my eyes, up my nose, everywhere.  I managed to fight my way around to the back of the van and retrieve the Deep Woods Off from the trunk.  I blasted those buggers right out of the sky!  Yeeeeeeeeee haaaaaawwwwww!  Soon we were all hosed down with Deet and ready to unpack.

A couple of hours later, once everything was unpacked and I felt Jake had things pretty well in hand, I decided to check out the loo.  The "toilette" on our site was a small "structure" with a counter and sink and two out-house-esq stalls.  As I was headed over to check it out, a young boy said to me that there "might" be a spider in there that "might" be "big" and "might" scare me.  "Whatever", I said.  I'm not really afraid of spiders.  I walked in and as I looked in the sink my heart tried to escape my body through my mouth.  The was a spider in the sink as big as my frickin hand!

I have never seen anything like it.  It had a HUGE body and long skinny legs, (shiver here).  Being the mature, adult that I am, I screamed like a wild banshee. "Yyyyeeeeeeeeeeaahaaahahhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrggggggggg!!!!!!! Spiderspiderspiderspider!!" Just about everyone in the campground came running.  Someone eventually removed the offending critter and flung it in the bushes.  I was too busy flailing around with a bad case of the willies to see where it went.  Needless to say, the bathroom got a VERY thorough inspection before I would grace it with my business again.

Night fell and I started to get the kiddos tucked into bed. All around their tent I kept hearing this very loud fluttery wing sound. I couldn't see what was causing it.  Its was very loud and buzzy and after the incident with the spider my nerves were on edge.  And then it happened.  I was gripping the lantern and trying to climb in and re-zip their tent when this humongous bug came flying in, whipped around the tent and flew straight at me and bounced off my chest and onto the tent floor. "Yyyyeeeeeeeeeeaahaaahahhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrggggggggg!!!!!!!  I swung the lantern like it was a medieval mace and WHAM!  That was the end of that leviathan.  I was sweating and shaking and snarling like a lunatic.  Gad damn!  What was going on!  Nature was really interfering with my ability to enjoy nature!  Later, as Jake and I were getting into our tent another one of the buggers flew in.  Jake came to my rescue this time, and I was able to identify the invader.

June Bugs.  Enormous, buzzy, flying June Bugs.  We could hear them dive bombing our tent all night.

The next day was a tiring exercise in bathroom spider inspections and June Bug patrol, but I made it through the day unscathed, until nightfall.  I was heading to the potty for my before bed pee and as I held up my lantern to begin my spider inspection, I apparently alarmed a bird that was nesting in the rafters.

 It went whooshing out of the bathroom all flappy and squawking.  "Yyyyeeeeeeeeeeaahaaahahhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrggggggggg!!!!!!! WHAT.  THE.  HELL!  Can I not go to the bathroom in peace?  I'm sure everyone in the campground thought I was insane.

What can I say?  I still like to think of myself as an outdoorsy type.  I just wish nature would be a little more accommodating.  More sunsets and cool breezes, less creepy, crawly, buzzy, flying, bitey, scary stuff.  Hopefully our next trip will be a little less screamy.

Michy