So Will, my sweet baby boy has some issues. Asthma, food allergies and eczema. The trifecta as it were. These three conditions often go hand in hand. He has also be congested for the last two years straight. He's on meds for his asthma and he has an Epi Pen for peanut emergencies, but his eczema is always present and his nose is always plugged. I believe that these problems can be solved, but the doctors he's been seeing seem to brush them off with a shrug of the shoulders. They seem to think as long as he doesn't have an anaphylactic reaction to something he's fine. I disagree. I don't think having scabby skin and not being able to breath out your nose supports a great quality of life.
So I have made Will an appointment with a Naturopathic Doctor. I am very excited. I'm a big believer in naturopathic medicine and the body's ability to heal itself. I truly believe food is the best medicine, (no, not a tub of Ben and Jerry's to fix your depression, but real whole food). I am looking very forward to picking this guys brain. But first, the awful part. The Patient Intake Questionnaire. The doctor e-mailed me his seven page intake questionnaire, full of questions about Will's general health and lifestyle. Now I know I'm not in the running for the Mother of the Year Award, but if you ever want to feel like a total failure as mother, try answering some of these questions;
How would you describe your child's temperament and behavior at school? Ok. We do pretty good at this this one. Will's pretty awesome. Except when he's being surly or lazy or having a temper tantrum or being stubborn. He's doing great at school, never been in trouble.
What is your child's favorite activity? Um. Watching tv? I mean there are other things, but if we're being honest.
How much television does your child watch per day/week? Oh Gad! Do I have to answer this?? Is there like, some magical number where if you're over it they call CAS?? If I'm honest, on most week days, it's about 3 1/2 hours a day. That's probably low balling it too. 1/2 hour before school, maybe two hours after school depending on the weather and if there are any friends outside to play with and then if Jake declares it one of his many, many "Movie Nights", another two hours on top of that. We won't even get into the weekend. Oh God, I am a horrible Mother! Can this get any worse?
Does you child exercise regularly? Define "regularly".
Do you know of any toxins or other hazards you child is regularly exposed to? Aside from the 25 year old carpet in our house and the mold in the bathroom ceiling? No.
And worst of all, how would you rate your child's diet? Oh shit. No, that's how I would describe his diet. Now, that's not all the time. We're about 50/50 around here for eating great and eating crap I wouldn't give my dogs.
Let's take a look at this weekends menu. Breakfast: Will had pancakes with syrup, bacon, ham and sausage, (he hasn't quite picked up on being a vegetarian). For lunch, (at his birthday party), he had a big ol' greasy slice of cheese pizza, a bag of chips and an apple juice, and let's not forget a big slice of marble cake. Dinner was the best though. Daddy brought home a bucket of KFC. Fried chicken, popcorn chicken and chicken fingers with fries and gravy. I can't believe no one had a heart attack. I did't eat any chicken, but it wasn't because I held myself to any higher standard. I had a Taco Bell 7 Layer Burrito and Nachos Supreme without the beef type substance.
I have to say, going over what your kids ate in the last 48 hours is a real eye opener. I am really curious what the Doctor is going to make of all this. I'll let ya know. In the mean time, turn off that Barney show and give your kid a carrot stick!
Michy
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