Unexpected Visitors

I like to think I have a pretty cool rep.  You know, I look pretty good when I go out, my house is nice and tidy, my children are well behaved all the time and I have it together.  Well guess what folks, it's all a lie!!  And this is never more apparent than when people drop by unannounced.  Although I do it to people all the time, just show up at your door with no notice, I live in abject fear of people doing it to me.  Then they might discover the truth, that I am not quite so perfect as I pretend to be!  And this is what happened yesterday, when the Secretary of our School Council "stopped by", to drop off some fundraising material.

Now, my general rule of housekeeping is, always start in the front hall.  It's the first thing everyone sees when they walk in the door.  I can block the view to the kitchen with my body if necessary, and as long as that front hall is tidy and the little table there is clean, everyone just assumes that the rest of the house is the same way.  Ha ha, fooled ya!  Well, of course with two small children who dump all their crap on the floor the minute they walk in the door, and a husband who drops his stinky soccer bag and kicks his shoes all over, and me piling old clothes to go in the garage there, and all the water bottles, keys, sunglasses, asthma inhalers, arts and crafts, bug and rock collections and important school papers that cover the small table every single day, it is no wonder that when Keleena stopped by it looked like a bomb had just gone off in the front hall.  I was so embarrassed.  The kitchen was only marginally better.  I could feel the cracks forming in my carefully constructed veneer of perfection.

As bad as this was, it wasn't even my main concern.  I had just gotten out of the shower about twenty minutes before she arrived, and I had shower head.  Now, when I have spent forty five minutes with a blow dryer and flat iron and fifty dollars worth of product, my hair looks very nice and shiny and pretty.  Twenty minutes after a shower it reverts to its natural state; a frizzy, spastic mess.  It was all I could think about as I stood there talking fundraising.  I kept running my fingers through my hair trying to bring it under control.  I must have done it fifty times, but I thought Keleena was looking at me kind of funny from time to time, so I was extra freaked out.  It was like being locked out of your house in your underwear when all your neighbors are coming home!

But wait, it gets better.  After she left I hurriedly ran upstairs to get my hair under control before someone else dropped by, and that was when I looked in the mirror for the first time since before my shower.  Holy Ef!  Apparently I had quite a bit of eye makeup on that day, because I had mascara running down my face.

Holy Raccoon Batman!! And by "running down my face", I mean it looked like my eyes had puked  black coal dust halfway to my nose!!  Oh my gad!  I spent twenty minutes chatting it up with the School Council Secretary looking like I had just gone three rounds with Tyson.  Geeze and I was worried about my stupid hair!  No wonder she was looking at me funny.  I was mortified!!!!

So, I think it's safe to say, that my carefully constructed disguise of the perfect, with it, hip, together mother and wife has been completely blown to shit.  The secret is out.  I'm just like the rest of you.  So feel free to drop by anytime.  I'll be the chick sitting on the front step in her swear pants and tube socks with my hair in a scrunchie and zit cream on.  I'll make us a tea and we can chat while my kids run around naked in my messy house.

Michy