I'm Coming Out of Retirement!

13 years ago last April, I quit my job in the real estate law biz to stay at  home and raise my son, and subsequently his brother.  Best decision I ever made. My husband was right on board.  Yes, sacrifices would have to be made if we were to lose an income, but we figured in the long run, with savings on child care, taxes, missed work etc, it would all work out in the end.  And it has.  I take care of house and home and the daily needs of my hubby and our children, and my husband goes to work everyday to pay for it.

This arrangement has provided me with some incredible benefits.  I have  never had to miss one of my boys in a school production.  I have been able to volunteer in their school and see their learning in action and go on field trips with them.  I have had a chance to meet and get to know their friends and their friends parents.  I have time during the day to run all my errands so that I can spend my evenings with my family, usually schlepping them around to activities, but still.  During the summer I can take them to the beach in the middle of the day, or to a park, or out to lunch.  On days when there is no school, we can sleep in, wake up late and make pancakes instead of rushing off at 7am to day care.  And, super bonus, if I don't have to leave the house, I can stay in my jammies all day!

Shortly after or before, I can't remember which, I started staying home, my father in law retired.  We used to joke around that we were both retired and got to spend our lives in the leisurely pursuit of what ever tickled our fancy.  I love staying home with the kids so much that sometimes I even buy in to that fantasy.  A lot of other people buy into that fantasy as well.  Many, many times I have heard that I should, "try working for a living", or that "it must be nice not to have to work", or that I "don't need a vacation because I don't have a real job".  Let me tell you something.  If you're willing to pay someone else to do it, IT IS A REAL JOB!

Lemme break it down for ya. Without me, my husband would need a personal assistant. 

Someone to run his errands for him.  Take his dogs to the vet, his truck for an oil change, make deposits at the bank, fill out paperwork for him and send it to where it needs to go,  enroll his children in after school activities, make phone calls and appointments for him and remind him to go to those appointments.  Those sorts of things.  Cost of a decent Personal Assistant?  Around $60,000.00 per year.  IT'S A REAL JOB!

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but my husband likes to use his evenings to relax and unwind.  His brain has been pumping away all day at the office, putting out fires, managing people and creating elaborate software designs.  Without me  he would either have to spend every evening and weekend driving our children to their activities, or hire a chauffeur. 

At present, our boys need to be at either dance or hockey on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and more times are likely to be scheduled soon.  That doesn't include picking them up after school if they are staying to study or try out for a team or club.  This also doesn't include driving them to play dates and sleepovers with their friends, or taking them to tournaments or competitions.  Nobody could do all that alone and still be a sane person!  Annual cost of a chauffeur?  $36,511.00.  ALSO A REAL JOB!

While my husband is off bringing home the bacon  I am at home frying it up in a pan. Now, if I were not here in my usual capacity, the first thing to fall by the wayside would be food.  Once the canned chili and Kraft Dinner supplies were gone, it would be takeout every night.  If he were to maintain the quality of dinner that we eat on a regular basis, (not that I cook dinner every night.  Trust me we still eat way too much fast food), and have that dinner waiting for him and his children when he gets home from work, he would have to hire a personal chef. 

Depending on the chef (and I am a good one), this will cost him about $45,000.00 per year. #REALJOB!

Now, about those children.  They don't take care of themselves you know!  He would need someone that can look after them while he is at work. 

And not just to keep them entertained, but to take them to appointments, deal with the school on their behalf , clean up the vomit, bandage the boo-boos,  mediate the arguments, help them with homework and most importantly, to instill in them the values and discipline they will need in order to become decent, kind, productive members of society.  Average cost of a childcare provider in Ontario?  $22,200 for one year for 2 children.  This doesn't include before and after school care either.  This is sadly the cheapest item on the list which is surprising when you consider the importance of this role.  THIS IS A HIGHLY UNDERPAID REAL JOB!

I also fill the role of Gardener/Landscaper at our house.  I cut the lawn, maintain the flower gardens, stack the firewood, take out the trash and do any other "out door work" that needs to be done.  If my husband wished for his home to maintain it's current appearance and not turn into a wild untamed jungle, he would need a gardener. 

Add $52,000.00 per year.  We have a large property!  ANOTHER REAL JOB!

And lets not forget the inside of the home.  Someone has to do all that cleaning and laundry!  A full time housekeeper, (and nothing less than full time can keep up with my husband and children), will run him another $41,569.00 per year. 

Ouch! And, ALSO A REAL JOB!

I also manage to dress myself most days and try and look half decent most of the time, be witty and charming and funny, act as therapist and event planner and professional cuddler.

(Believe t or not "Professional Cuddler" is an actual real job, but I don't think my husband is that desperate. Yet)

This job that I have, working for my husband, does not fall within the 9 to 5 parameters of the average persons workday.  Long after my husband has his feet up for the night, I will still be washing dishes, making lunches and getting things organized for the next day.    I do not take vacation or sick days.  We rent a cottage every summer for a week.  A great vacation for my husband and kids and a nice change of scenery for yours truly, but a holiday?  Not so much.  It's really just me taking my jobs to another location. 9 months ago I told myself I'd take one vacation day every month.  I would get up before anyone could ask me for breakfast, go to the spa and soak and sauna my day away and come home long after dinner.  In 9 months I've done it once.  This Christmas, for the first time in 3 years, I will take an actual vacation.  One week all inclusive down south.  Someone else will cook all our food and someone else will clean our room. 

Heaven!

So I guess you could say I'm not actually coming out of retirement.  I was never there!  I switched from working for a law firm to working for my husband.  It is absolutely my dream job, a real, actual, job.   Now, when people ask me what I do for a living, I will tell them, "I work for my husband", and if they ask what I do, I'll say, "everything".

Often times, when I hear people talk about Stay at Home parents they immediately jump in with, "well, we all know that that is the hardest job on earth".  Bullshit.   It is not the hardest job on earth.  It's an awesome, rewarding job with often long hours and little appreciation, but it is by far the greatest job on earth.  I think it would be much more difficult to have to kiss your children goodbye in the morning, spend your day at some soul sucking job you hate, come home, stuff some food in your face while you run all your errands and clean your house before kissing your kids goodnight and collapsing in a heap on the couch too tired to do anything but stare mindlessly at the Bachelor before dragging your exhausted ass to bed so you can wake up and do it all again tomorrow.  That's the hardest job on earth!

So, to sum up, Moms and Dads who work outside the home = real job. Mom's and Dad's who are homemakers = real job.  It's not a competition!  Lets all just value and see the merit of each persons  contribution to their own family and to the greater challenge of raising the next generation.



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Peace out!

Michy