Alex and I Have The Talk

So, Alex and I had The Talk last week.  I was soooo not prepared.  I mean, I should be, but I wasn't.  I mean he's ten right?  He was bound  to ask sooner or later.  I should have prepared what I was going to say, but instead I tripped all over my tongue and sounded like a boob.  It went something like this:

There I am, 9:00pm, peacefully doing crossword puzzles in bed, listening to my meditative "8 Hours of Rain on a Canvas Tent" MP3, when Alex comes strolling on in in his undies, climbs up on my bed, gets directly into my face and says,

"Mom.  Tell me the truth.  Is the Easter Bunny real, or is is just you?"

"Wh, wh, wh!  What do you mean?  Why do you ask?"

(It is two days until Easter!!!!  What do I say?)

"Seriously Mom.  Just tell me."

"Uuuhhh.  Well you've seen The Gaurdians and Hop.  You know . . . ."

(This had been my standard go to answer for questions about Santa for years. "Well guys, you've seen Elf."  I crossed my fingers that this would work.)

"Really Mom?"

(Not the happy excited "Really Mom"!, but the "Really Mom" that is dripping with sarcastic, don't treat me like a child" kind of attitude that all children develop around age 10.  Oh shit.  He ain't buyin' it! This conversation is not going to end. Gulp!)

"You know honey, the really important thing about Easter isn't the Easter Bunny, or the chocolate and stuff.  It's about the sacrifice that Jesus made for us.  All the rest of it is just for fun".

(Send out enough mental wattage to actually light a halo around my head).

"Now what's a 5 letter word for octopus"?

"Mom"!
(He actually grabbed my chin and made me look at him!!)
"Stop trying to change the subject"!

I can't take it anymore.  The pressure is so intense!  I slammed my Crosswords For Beginners shut and looked at my baby.

"Alex!, Mommy is just not ready to have this conversation with you yet!"
(Please just ask me what an orgasm is or something!  Anything!)
"You just turned 10, and you know I'm not handling that very well, and now you want to talk about this?  Now??!!"

"Mom, just tell me".
(He actually had pity in him eyes!")

Sigh, "close the door".

And thus I told him the truth.  That Mommies and Daddies are the Easter Bunny. That we want to give our children a special day to celebrate Jesus overcoming death and the coming all new life with spring.

"Awww"  he says.  And then his eyes get this devilish little gleam and his mouth ticks up at one corner.  "I knew it!" he yells.

Why you little shit.

"What do you mean you knew it?"  I asked.  "You knew this whole time and you still made me suffer through this conversation!!!"

"Ya, I knew that you are the Tooth Fairy (that's another story), and the Easter Bunny.  I just wanted you to tell me.  But I know Santa's real."

My eyes start darting in any direction but him.

"Gasp.  Santa's real right??"

"Uuuuhhhhhhh . . . "

"What!?" No way!"

And thus ... (insert above paragraph but change Easter Bunny to Santa and Jesus overcoming death to Jesus's birth).

"Wow".

I actually told him about all the times in the last couple of years when someone almost blew the whistle on Santa for him.  Last year grandma put gifts under the Christmas tree marked, "To: Alex, From: Santa", which is fine, except she put the under the tree on Christmas Eve!  A full 15 hours before Santa was due to arrive!

This year I started in on how St. Nicholas was a great man who died many, many years ago.  Duh!  That did not go unnoticed.  I got a tongue cramp trying to talk my way out of that one!

Quite possibly the worst was when the boys were watching tv and Buddy the Elf came on and tried to sell them beer.  "Mom!  Why is Buddy selling beer?"  How do I tell them Buddy is just an actor but Santa is real?

So, where did this leave us?  Alex was cool with it all.  I mean really, I couldn't keep it a secret forever could I.  He'd look pretty silly being the only kid in college who still believed in the Easter Bunny.  I did let him in on something else though.  I told him that now that he was a member of the "Knowers Club", that he had a sacred duty to always keep Easter and Christmas special for those of his friends and family who still believe.  His little brother and cousins were all still eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Easter Bunny and to ruin that for them would be unforgivable.  He actually kneeled on the bed and saluted me.  "Yes Sir, Mam, Sir!"

This Easter came and went and Alex told me it was the best Easter ever.  I think that was the truth too, because not only did he get to do an Easter egg hunt and get a huge basket of candy but he got to see the whole thing from our perspective.  He got such a kick out of watching his brother and cousin enjoy the magic of Easter.

I guess I shouldn't worry so much about him growing up so fast.  He seems to be doing a pretty darn good job of it.  Good luck to the rest of you!

Michy