Well, spring has finally arrived in Canada. Hallelujah!! The rain that has plagued us for two months is finally abating. I almost feel safe to put away my purple, high healed, wedgie rain booties. What?
So, the time has come to tackle the biggest household repair project that I have ever been faced with. The deck. And by "biggest" I also mean ridiculously expensive. We need to put new deck boards and railings onto our twelve hundred square foot, second level deck. That's a lot of deck. We also need to replace the eleven log support posts that hold up the deck and the balcony above it on the third floor.
The existing boards, which are rotten and gross, are all attached to the frame by brackets mounted underneath the deck and screwed in with about fifty thousand screws. Each of those screws must be removed in order to pull up the boards and save the frame, which is the only part of the deck in good condition. Aside from getting the new log posts, none of this project is rocket science. Pull up old boards, put down new ones, add railing and ta da, margaritas on the deck! However, this job is very time consuming, (did I mention the fifty thousand screws??), and, frankly, Mama's got shit to do. I could write you out a list of my daily household chores, volunteer commitments and after school ferrying of children around, but there isn't enough space on the internet.
Now, usually I am a do it myself kinda gal. I learned quick during my teenage years, that if I wished to do something I'd better learn how to do it myself. Want clean clothes? Figure out the washing machine. Wanna eat? Better learn how to cook. Things didn't change much after I met my husband and we started living together. He is more of a talk about, maybe, one day, discuss getting around to it type of guy, than an actual doer. Cupboard door broken? Better get out the tools to fix it myself. Need patio laid? Better get out the stone saw and figure out how to use it myself? Need drywall done? Floors laid? Painting done? I have taught myself how to do it all. I could easily re-do my deck myself. But I don't want to. It's hot, buggy, tedious work that would take up a lot of my time. I have tackled large, time consuming project before. Basically, my family lives off McDonald's and pizza, the house goes to hell, laundry doesn't get done and I look like a homeless person. So, enter The Contractor. Dun, dun, dunnnn!
I have learned something recently about contractors. They are very busy people. They are so busy in fact, that they don't really care if your job is worth twenty thousand dollars, because there is so much work out there, that they will happily pass on your child's four years worth of university tuition money, because Bob down the street has a job worth fifty thousand dollars. So far I have had four contractors come out to give me quotes. The first one was from a decking company. He definitely knew what he was talking about. Seemed very professional. Spent over an hour taking measurements and taking to us about what we wanted, blah, blah, blah. Said he'd have a quote ready for us at the end of the weekend. Never heard from him again. Not so professional after all.
Second guy was a general contractor. Same deal. Very professional. Very knowledgeable. Spent a lot of time measuring and such. Said he'd have a quote for us by the weekend. Never heard from him again either. Seriously! Do I have to beg you to take my money??? Perhaps he is still angry that my children banged their football off his brand new truck. Thanks kids.
Third guy was an independent contractor. Pretty cute in a middle aged surfer dude kinda way. This guy however, was so in over his head it was ridiculous. He had clearly never tackled a job of this size before and he worked alone. Dude, I want to be using my deck by July, not October. I could finish it myself faster than that! He also quoted me over thirty three thousand dollars. Sigh.
The last guy to come out said he wouldn't even start a project like ours until we had the support posts replaced, which has to be done by a log home specialist. Fair enough. Then he said that removing all the screws from the underside of the deck in order to save the frame would be more expensive in man hours that tearing down the entire deck and rebuilding it from scratch. Seriously. I didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday bud, that happened a long time ago.
The log home guy came out and is preparing a quote for us to replace the support posts. Each one has to be cut and peeled by hand, cha-ching, and will cost between four and six hundred bucks. I need eleven. They are so busy, it will take up to two weeks just to get the quote. Seriously people, get your kids into the trades!! They'll never be unemployed and they'll be rolling in dough!
So, as usual, it's up to me. This morning I got out my trusty power drill and started removing screws. Gee. Turns out it doesn't actually take that much manpower Mr. Contractor number four!! One little ole me finished over a third of the deck in less that an hour. Maybe "man power" is the problem. If they hired women, maybe some shit would get done! I've also removed ninety percent of the old railing. It was so rotten it was gonna fall off and land on my car. I had most of the old railing posts and panels removed and thrown down to the driveway in an hour and a half. Then I went out to run some Mom errands and came back to find my sixty eight year old mother, with her bad hip and hernia, had stacked all the old railing and posts I had thrown down, into a nice, tidy pile at the side of the driveway!! Unbelievable!!
I would expect, that by the time I get a quote, from an actual professional, I will have finished my deck by myself. You will all be welcome to join me in sucking back a mojito or ten, while we sit back and enjoy the view.
Peace out!
Michy
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